Dear Very Literal Citizens of the Internet, »
FluterDude: Do you think Leonardo diCaprio is pretty cool, or kind of a douche?
FluterDale: It probably depends on your gender and height to weight ratio.
FluterDale: He's only dated Victoria's Secret models for the last decade.
FluterDude: [shrug] Maybe he misunderstood the concept of the catalog? »
I'm supposed to be grading.
But first! Last night, I dreamed that I waited in line behind Beyonce for a ride at a water park. She was really rude (it was a dream), so my friend and I broke into her house and stole her prosthetic arm.
It's racist essays time for one of the summer classes.
They have returned my internet access at work.
I am using it to look for other employment.
That is all. »
I don't work here, but I've got to do a job.
See, I'm a former employee who's currently teaching a class. (That doesn't make sense to you either? Join the club.) It's an online class, so I have a webmail account, access to the university class platform and ... am not allowed on university internet.
Yeah, you read that… »
Email from a higher-up:
"I just wanted to congratulate [person redacted] for [activity redacted]. As you all know [person redacted] is one of the busiest faculty on campus, doing [all the things]. This is especially important to the [school name redacted] to maintain our [ridiculously high percentage] of full-time… »
Fourteen some-odd months of, "I don't own a car because environment/politics/geographically impractical beliefs about the role of public transportation in my life," has turned into, "Can you drive me to this thing without me offering to pay gas or time?"
Fourteen some-odd months of, "I don't have cable because… »
I complained about work to FluterDude, and he spent about forty-five minutes trying to convince me we could afford for me to quit. (I need to sit down and do the math. He's not ... great with money, and even if he's right, I really did want to get further ahead with summer teaching. And now ... by any means necessary.) »
I started working at a restaurant last Friday.
I have a ton of customer service experience, but most of it was in retail. I'm not clear if restaurants and retail stores are wildly different, or if they're just wildly different from this particular restaurant.
For example: for the past two days, I have been training as… »
I got myself slip-resistant shoes for my birthday, because my life is about to become fodder for Behind Closed Ovens.
For the record, I am over thirty, have a doctorate, and will be waiting tables because I can't secure a full-time position that will pay my bills in the summer. I'm several manatees in debt from… »
There's this group of ladies that's been making bits and pieces of my life pretty miserable, since I moved here. (It's been on GT off and on, but I'm too lazy to link ... if it isn't already deleted.)
Well, some of their husbands are done with the school and they're gone. I've been eagerly anticipating the… »
I repeat: grades have been posted.
Minus the one kid whose exam comes in the subsequent Monday, everything is graded, updated, and posted. I am three pages of matching questions from the end of my semester. Possible three-month unemployment? Terrifying, but, in this moment, vastly preferable.
This can only mean one… »
In our state, public school employees can be fired for questionable commentary on social media, which means my days are totally numbered.
This coincided pretty neatly with the most dramatic and/or frustrating student interaction I've had in .... a while. It involved attendance and credit for participation. I am ... not… »
When I see movies that are based in San Francisco, I get the sads. I'd never admit it, except two or three glasses into a bottle. I like my life and I wouldn't trade it for another (unless the other was really awesome), but ...
I miss my bridge, my park, and my fog. I'm currently watching one of the shittiest, most… »
This message is coming to you from the bottom of a bottle of Malbec. It has been that kind of week.
Amuse me. »
On Thursdays, I teach flute lessons in another town.
Somehow, despite knowing what time I need to leave to be there on time, I never do. And I technically have maybe too many students for the time blocks and commute. Time is important, so I drive a little too fast down a certain interstate.
Except that's ok, because… »